I met with my biochemistry course director on Friday about a few questions I had while working on practice questions. It went well! She was really helpful and was very happy with my improvement in the class. While talking to her, it was evident that she had been checking up on me and knew exactly what I made on the midterm and what I need on the final. She gave me a very positive feeling for my upcoming challenges. Even though I'm trying to stay positive throughout all of this, it really helps when your course director is on your side!
This weekend I made dinner for my roommates, Stir-fry, nothing too fancy. But it was nice sitting down for dinner together!
Hope everyone is having a great week! I can't believe it's almost the weekend again!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
and onward
So midterms came and left. I didn't do amazing on my biochem midterm, but I didn't do absolutely awful either. I got a 84. Basically, I need a 96 on the final to get an A in the class. It's tough, yes. Probably close to impossible, yes. But, it's NOT impossible and I know people (a couple friends actually) who have gotten 95+ on the final exam. I'm keeping my spirits high, trying to work very hard, and hopefully my efforts will pay off. That's all I can really do at this point - work hard and hope that luck is in my favor.
That's what's new with me! Thought I'd let everyone know!
That's what's new with me! Thought I'd let everyone know!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Downward Spiral
Are you ever stressed/upset about something, and then pretty soon you go through this downward spiral with other such things that are bothering you to a point where all you want to do curl up in a little ball, eat ice cream, and cry hoping it will make it all better? (Wow, talk about a run-on sentence!) Such has happened to me tonight. It all started a few days ago when I saw my former classmates getting out of class.
[So here's my story: I started medical school internationally in January 2012. Due to my lack of science background (engineering major), I withdrew from Anatomy & Biochemistry, and completing Histology & Bioethics that semester. In Fall 2012, I went on to complete Anatomy & Biochemistry. I did well in Anatomy, but ended up failing Biochemistry by one question. Meaning, had I gotten one more question correct on the midterm or final, I would have passed, and thus allowed to proceed on. I was dismissed, but I wrote an appeal. My chances were slim, but the committee did allow me to stay and repeat Biochemistry. But they said I must get an A in Biochemistry to continue on.] So that's what I've been doing right now. Working to get an A in Biochemistry. It's unfortunate that our school only has a midterm + final that makes up the final grade in the class.
So I saw my former classmates, who are now in their 4th semester. (3rd semester is not a real semester, it's 6 weeks long. There are a total of 5 semesters in basic sciences.) And it just made me feel extremely sad and incompetent. It's been a year and I'm still in the same semester as I was a year ago. It's like staying idle for a year, and yet not accomplishing anything.
And then I see social media networks such as Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram of where couples are happily sharing their lives together. I see pictures of long-distance relationships making it work by meeting every month. I see pictures/announcements/videos of people getting engaged, married, and starting a family. I see people younger than me graduating medical school and starting that new chapter in their life. And here I am, at the same exact spot I was in a year ago, and still single.
I've actually spent most of my life single. I've had many guy friends (actually I'm quite closer to guys), but nothing turned into anything. I've only had one boyfriend, which only lasted four months. And while I try not to let it bother me, I feel like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, just waiting for the right time to move to the next stage. I also feel like all the "good guys" are taken. No offense, but it seems like guys that I admire and who aren't so immature, have already been scooped up my amazing women.
I know this is not the time to get emotional. Midterms are literally around the corner and I absolutely cannot get emotional about things I cannot do anything about at this point in time. I owe it to myself to fully concentrate on what I can do at this moment and not worry about anything else. For the first time, I'm not afraid I won't pass. I'm actually not too afraid about getting a B. It's going the extra bit, and getting an A which I'm terrified about. I've been "fighting" for medical school and to become a doctor for such a long time now, and I'm just worried that I'm not going to have any strength left in me. I know I will never forgive myself if I don't make full use of this final opportunity I have been given, so I definitely don't want to screw it up.
Here's to being optimistic and having a productive weekend.
[So here's my story: I started medical school internationally in January 2012. Due to my lack of science background (engineering major), I withdrew from Anatomy & Biochemistry, and completing Histology & Bioethics that semester. In Fall 2012, I went on to complete Anatomy & Biochemistry. I did well in Anatomy, but ended up failing Biochemistry by one question. Meaning, had I gotten one more question correct on the midterm or final, I would have passed, and thus allowed to proceed on. I was dismissed, but I wrote an appeal. My chances were slim, but the committee did allow me to stay and repeat Biochemistry. But they said I must get an A in Biochemistry to continue on.] So that's what I've been doing right now. Working to get an A in Biochemistry. It's unfortunate that our school only has a midterm + final that makes up the final grade in the class.
So I saw my former classmates, who are now in their 4th semester. (3rd semester is not a real semester, it's 6 weeks long. There are a total of 5 semesters in basic sciences.) And it just made me feel extremely sad and incompetent. It's been a year and I'm still in the same semester as I was a year ago. It's like staying idle for a year, and yet not accomplishing anything.
And then I see social media networks such as Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram of where couples are happily sharing their lives together. I see pictures of long-distance relationships making it work by meeting every month. I see pictures/announcements/videos of people getting engaged, married, and starting a family. I see people younger than me graduating medical school and starting that new chapter in their life. And here I am, at the same exact spot I was in a year ago, and still single.
I've actually spent most of my life single. I've had many guy friends (actually I'm quite closer to guys), but nothing turned into anything. I've only had one boyfriend, which only lasted four months. And while I try not to let it bother me, I feel like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, just waiting for the right time to move to the next stage. I also feel like all the "good guys" are taken. No offense, but it seems like guys that I admire and who aren't so immature, have already been scooped up my amazing women.
I know this is not the time to get emotional. Midterms are literally around the corner and I absolutely cannot get emotional about things I cannot do anything about at this point in time. I owe it to myself to fully concentrate on what I can do at this moment and not worry about anything else. For the first time, I'm not afraid I won't pass. I'm actually not too afraid about getting a B. It's going the extra bit, and getting an A which I'm terrified about. I've been "fighting" for medical school and to become a doctor for such a long time now, and I'm just worried that I'm not going to have any strength left in me. I know I will never forgive myself if I don't make full use of this final opportunity I have been given, so I definitely don't want to screw it up.
Here's to being optimistic and having a productive weekend.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Passed
I like how I said I'll be posting more. But, I want to make an attempt to. Not because I feel like people (my 0 followers) will be soooo disappointed if I don't update them on my life or because my life is sooo interesting I must keep everyone entertained. No, it's so I can share my thoughts with someone other than the walls in my room or shower. And also, to come back to my thoughts and learned from how I felt and how I dealt with hard times. It's very important to take some time to reflect every now and then. Or at least I think.
We had a mini-quiz, if you will, last week. This is basically is put in place so the first year students can gauge how they're doing. Since we only have one midterm and one final, there's not a lot of room for bombing either exam. Anyways, on the mini-quiz, I made a 20/25. Which isn't amazing, but it's not horrible either. Last year I made a 14/25, so it's definitely improvement. I also found the results of my appeal after an entire week of classes had passed, so I had one less week than the others. In general the quiz was more difficult than last semester. The average was 16/25 compared to the 19/25 from last semester. I walked out not really feeling disappointed but upset because I did everything possible to study. I did the objectives, I did the department questions, I did the only questions from both textbooks, and I did the BRS questions. So yeah, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't do better (I walked in thinking I was going to get at least a 22), but it's not the end of the world...yet.
Midterms are in 3 weeks from today, but luckily all lecture material for biochem will end in 2 weeks. I made a schedule for the next couple of weeks, reviewing all lectures/practice questions at least twice (more than that for some topics that don't seem to stick as easily). I want to utilize the very last week for absolutely any questions/confusions I have. These next two weeks are going to be rough. I hope, just really hope it all works out.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day!
We had a mini-quiz, if you will, last week. This is basically is put in place so the first year students can gauge how they're doing. Since we only have one midterm and one final, there's not a lot of room for bombing either exam. Anyways, on the mini-quiz, I made a 20/25. Which isn't amazing, but it's not horrible either. Last year I made a 14/25, so it's definitely improvement. I also found the results of my appeal after an entire week of classes had passed, so I had one less week than the others. In general the quiz was more difficult than last semester. The average was 16/25 compared to the 19/25 from last semester. I walked out not really feeling disappointed but upset because I did everything possible to study. I did the objectives, I did the department questions, I did the only questions from both textbooks, and I did the BRS questions. So yeah, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't do better (I walked in thinking I was going to get at least a 22), but it's not the end of the world...yet.
Midterms are in 3 weeks from today, but luckily all lecture material for biochem will end in 2 weeks. I made a schedule for the next couple of weeks, reviewing all lectures/practice questions at least twice (more than that for some topics that don't seem to stick as easily). I want to utilize the very last week for absolutely any questions/confusions I have. These next two weeks are going to be rough. I hope, just really hope it all works out.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What's up, it's 2013
Wow, it's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened. Many ups and downs, but such is life and I chose to move onwards and upwards.
Finals came and went. I did extremely well on the Anatomy final, got 93 on the final - wooop! I got very sick between Anatomy & Biochem finals so decided to "call in sick" and take the completion exam for biochem. Shouldn't have done that. Too much time elapsed plus my sickness and I failed the final and the class, by one measly point. No kidding. A big, FAT 69. As per school's policy, if you fail a class they dismiss you. I wrote an appeal and thankfully they accepted. I have to repeat the class, but whatever. I've made my peace with it.
I've come to realization that I'll be 26 this year, and still single. My parents like to remind me as well. They're getting really concerned how old I'm getting and they try setting me up with these random guys. Um, thanks for the reminder parents - believe it or not, I also don't want to end up alone. Indian parents.
This semester is going to be interesting. I have to do extremely well in this class and stop slacking off. I think I slack off like an average med student, but my retention is less than average. Plus, I don't have any science background. Which means = NO MORE SLACKING OFF. (And thus, I should wrap up this post fairly quickly.)
Just thought I'd give an update post. I will be posting more on this blog.
Finals came and went. I did extremely well on the Anatomy final, got 93 on the final - wooop! I got very sick between Anatomy & Biochem finals so decided to "call in sick" and take the completion exam for biochem. Shouldn't have done that. Too much time elapsed plus my sickness and I failed the final and the class, by one measly point. No kidding. A big, FAT 69. As per school's policy, if you fail a class they dismiss you. I wrote an appeal and thankfully they accepted. I have to repeat the class, but whatever. I've made my peace with it.
I've come to realization that I'll be 26 this year, and still single. My parents like to remind me as well. They're getting really concerned how old I'm getting and they try setting me up with these random guys. Um, thanks for the reminder parents - believe it or not, I also don't want to end up alone. Indian parents.
This semester is going to be interesting. I have to do extremely well in this class and stop slacking off. I think I slack off like an average med student, but my retention is less than average. Plus, I don't have any science background. Which means = NO MORE SLACKING OFF. (And thus, I should wrap up this post fairly quickly.)
Just thought I'd give an update post. I will be posting more on this blog.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Ten lectures - whoop!
Starting Saturday morning, here were my stats:
Anatomy: 8 lectures behind
Biochemistry: 7 lectures behind
With a total of 15 lectures behind
And when I mean behind, not just I haven't reviewed it. I mean I haven't even watched the lecture! I spent all of Saturday watching 5 Anatomy lectures and all of Sunday watching 5 Biochem lectures. Which, I think is quite an accomplishment. 10 lectures in 2 days - wow! Obviously I would have liked to finish it all, but I'll take what I did.
I haven't exactly reviewed the lectures yet, but it's nice to have the first run through. It will make the revisions much easier. I'm hoping by this time next week, I'm officially all caught up, watching & reviewing lectures.
So that was my weekend. How was yours?
Anatomy: 8 lectures behind
Biochemistry: 7 lectures behind
With a total of 15 lectures behind
And when I mean behind, not just I haven't reviewed it. I mean I haven't even watched the lecture! I spent all of Saturday watching 5 Anatomy lectures and all of Sunday watching 5 Biochem lectures. Which, I think is quite an accomplishment. 10 lectures in 2 days - wow! Obviously I would have liked to finish it all, but I'll take what I did.
I haven't exactly reviewed the lectures yet, but it's nice to have the first run through. It will make the revisions much easier. I'm hoping by this time next week, I'm officially all caught up, watching & reviewing lectures.
So that was my weekend. How was yours?
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Yelling out loud
I woke up early on Friday, put on a little makeup (something I NEVER do), and told myself, "Today is going to be a good day!" Little did I know that fate had something else in store for me.
One of my friends from college graciously agreed to help my younger brother in AP computer science (high school class). I remember when I took that class in high school, the teacher taught very less and we mostly had to figure it out ourselves. Many of the students taking this course had were already a bit tech-savvy, so they had no problem. Me, on the other hand, not so good with the programming, had to ask for help every step of the way. And I honestly didn't care. I didn't have enough pride to figure out myself, so I asked and bugged people until they either 1) showed me how to do it 2) gave me the answer. Anyways with my brother, being a boy and all - a little more self-conscious asking for help. So my friend agreed to tutor him, and since my friend and brother live in different states - they would communicate via skype.
I told my friend from the beginning, my brother is a little on the casual side, so be a little strict on him and follow up with him (don't wait for him to follow up with you). Especially in the beginning, and one things start going he might be a little more serious. So during their first tutoring session, my friend tells me - wow you're brother is really behind. Um, ya think?! There's a reason I'm asking you to tutor him. This past Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday - my friend had a bad day at work and canceled the tutoring sessions. Apparently, they had a tutoring session on Wednesday and my brother was given an assignment by my friend to complete on Thursday. My brother also had a fundraising activity Thursday evening, so I think he forgot. I'm not too sure. But basically my friend didn't receive the assignment and was a little agitated with his laissez faire attitude. Which is definitely understandable. I told him to call my brother and they decided to meet on skype 30 minutes later. It was almost 11pm at this point and my brother passed out before the 30 minutes was over, so my friend was definitely pissed. My friend wrote my brother an email Thursday night and copied me on it expressing his frustration. Which is definitely understandable. He wrote me a separate email asking to talk on Friday.
I told my friend, my brother is not at the maturity level a lot of kids his age are. I told him that instead of telling my brother "when you get stuck call me" to say "I need you to email me the program by 8pm" or something a little more concrete. Basically to leave very little to his discretion. Since I know my brother, he has changed a lot in these past couple of years, in terms of being more responsible, but not exactly the same level as I was. I also told my friend that I know he's spending time on this and I would love to pay him. I know it's not about the money, but I just don't want him to feel like his time is being wasted. And my friend completely blew up at me. He told me the point of the email was for my brother to see someone upset at him outside of his family and his sister and he was insulted that I offered him money! My friend also said, he remembers when he was my brother's age and it's completely natural - he just wanted to rile him up a little.
I then told him not to leave so much to his discretion and to tell him his deadline everyday is 8pm or whatever he chooses. He said, I'm not going to tell him anything - you tell him. I was like... what?! I replied, you just said he'll listen more to an outsider. Long story short, we got into this huge argument and he eventually told me, I will talk to your brother, but you just stay away from me. WHAT THE HELL?! He then said some more things which I don't really want to type out here - and I was so shocked how much I angered him - which I was NOT trying to do.
Needless to say - my Friday was not looking so great anymore. I was so pissed off at him and my brother. I actually don't know who or what I was actually mad at. I just feel like I care so much about other people - even sometimes acting like a fool trying to help out my friends and family and no one ever compensates back. I feel like I'm yelling in a crowded room and no one even looks up.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like I have no friends. I'm tired of going out on a limb for everyone. I'm not saying that I do things for others to get something back, but it hurts when it feels like all I do is give and never get.
So I blocked my friend. I'm really struggling to keep up in medical school as it is, I don't need any negative energy from anyone. I just don't have the tolerance to take it anymore. It's funny, on Tuesday that same friend of mine told me that if we were living in the same state that he would have wanted to ask me out. Ugh, BOYS!
One of my friends from college graciously agreed to help my younger brother in AP computer science (high school class). I remember when I took that class in high school, the teacher taught very less and we mostly had to figure it out ourselves. Many of the students taking this course had were already a bit tech-savvy, so they had no problem. Me, on the other hand, not so good with the programming, had to ask for help every step of the way. And I honestly didn't care. I didn't have enough pride to figure out myself, so I asked and bugged people until they either 1) showed me how to do it 2) gave me the answer. Anyways with my brother, being a boy and all - a little more self-conscious asking for help. So my friend agreed to tutor him, and since my friend and brother live in different states - they would communicate via skype.
I told my friend from the beginning, my brother is a little on the casual side, so be a little strict on him and follow up with him (don't wait for him to follow up with you). Especially in the beginning, and one things start going he might be a little more serious. So during their first tutoring session, my friend tells me - wow you're brother is really behind. Um, ya think?! There's a reason I'm asking you to tutor him. This past Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday - my friend had a bad day at work and canceled the tutoring sessions. Apparently, they had a tutoring session on Wednesday and my brother was given an assignment by my friend to complete on Thursday. My brother also had a fundraising activity Thursday evening, so I think he forgot. I'm not too sure. But basically my friend didn't receive the assignment and was a little agitated with his laissez faire attitude. Which is definitely understandable. I told him to call my brother and they decided to meet on skype 30 minutes later. It was almost 11pm at this point and my brother passed out before the 30 minutes was over, so my friend was definitely pissed. My friend wrote my brother an email Thursday night and copied me on it expressing his frustration. Which is definitely understandable. He wrote me a separate email asking to talk on Friday.
I told my friend, my brother is not at the maturity level a lot of kids his age are. I told him that instead of telling my brother "when you get stuck call me" to say "I need you to email me the program by 8pm" or something a little more concrete. Basically to leave very little to his discretion. Since I know my brother, he has changed a lot in these past couple of years, in terms of being more responsible, but not exactly the same level as I was. I also told my friend that I know he's spending time on this and I would love to pay him. I know it's not about the money, but I just don't want him to feel like his time is being wasted. And my friend completely blew up at me. He told me the point of the email was for my brother to see someone upset at him outside of his family and his sister and he was insulted that I offered him money! My friend also said, he remembers when he was my brother's age and it's completely natural - he just wanted to rile him up a little.
I then told him not to leave so much to his discretion and to tell him his deadline everyday is 8pm or whatever he chooses. He said, I'm not going to tell him anything - you tell him. I was like... what?! I replied, you just said he'll listen more to an outsider. Long story short, we got into this huge argument and he eventually told me, I will talk to your brother, but you just stay away from me. WHAT THE HELL?! He then said some more things which I don't really want to type out here - and I was so shocked how much I angered him - which I was NOT trying to do.
Needless to say - my Friday was not looking so great anymore. I was so pissed off at him and my brother. I actually don't know who or what I was actually mad at. I just feel like I care so much about other people - even sometimes acting like a fool trying to help out my friends and family and no one ever compensates back. I feel like I'm yelling in a crowded room and no one even looks up.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like I have no friends. I'm tired of going out on a limb for everyone. I'm not saying that I do things for others to get something back, but it hurts when it feels like all I do is give and never get.
So I blocked my friend. I'm really struggling to keep up in medical school as it is, I don't need any negative energy from anyone. I just don't have the tolerance to take it anymore. It's funny, on Tuesday that same friend of mine told me that if we were living in the same state that he would have wanted to ask me out. Ugh, BOYS!
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