Relationships.. NEED ADVICE!

Hey blogosphere! I've been going through some unnecessary, relationship drama that I would love to hear your advice on! Please let me know what you think - and please be polite! Thanks =)

So things have been a little complicated with me and this guy. We knew of each other in college, but we literally NEVER said anything to each other. He was dating my friend senior year, so we crossed paths, but never quite spoke to each other. He’s good a computer/technology – so the only times I’d ever speak to him was if I needed help with my computer. After I graduated (May 2010), that summer every single computer at home had some problem or the other – so I was on and off talking to him about that. But that’s pretty much it. I don’t think it was sometime mid-2012 when we ever had a conversation that wasn’t technology related. I honestly don’t remember at all how or when we started a conversation that was not “help me with my computer.” But we started actually becoming friends (maybe Summer 2012)…and started talking a little more often and kept in touch. And (I think exactly a year ago, sometime Nov 2012) last year he told me that if I were in Chicago, he probably would have asked me out by now and he expressed that he liked me. We were in different places…so that didn’t really go anywhere. But we remained in touch, and I think it was towards the latter part of last semester where we became a little closer and especially over the summer to where we spoke every day. But, we have not been stable by any means – last semester was a LOT of up and downs between us. The summer and the beginning of this semester have been pretty good, though. I’m sure you know where this story is going – I started liking him. But since life is Bollywood Movie – let’s add a little twist.

My friend from high school moved to Chicago in August to start her PhD, so she asked me if I had any friends in Chicago. Most of my closest friends aren’t there anymore except for him – so I told her about him and they met up. And now they talk ALL the time and meet up practically every weekend.  I’m sure you know where this is going…

So here’s a bit of a back story – for us to date, I’ll definitely need to talk to my parents about it. He’s completely different from my religion and culture. I don’t want to start dating him until I get the approval from my parents, because it’ll cause so many more complications within my family if it gets serious between us, and I tell them then. It’s a little complicated… I finally told my mom about him in September, and she was kind of back and forth – but she eventually said to wait until I’m physically in the states to talk to my dad. And it’s not a discussion I can have when I’m in the states for a couple weeks during vacation, and then leave again. Since I have 1 more year left in the Caribbean, she said to wait to talk to my dad then. Which is fine – because I really don’t want to have a long-distance relationship, when we’ve never really spent time together at all, and he doesn’t want that either.

We actually had an extremely horrible patch last couple of weeks and weren’t really talking. We finally spoke last Monday, and things have gotten SO much better. I don’t think they’re quite as they were, but definitely getting much better. But during those two weeks of us not really talking, he and my friend started talking a lot more, like multiple hours a day. And during those two weeks, I could NOT get in touch with my friend at all. I didn’t want to talk to her about this whole complication, because she’s told him things that were only meant to be between us. But, I just wanted to talk to her, just to catch up. Apparently, he was complaining about me so much during those weeks – that she was afraid that I was going to be doing the same, so she ignored all of my ways to contact her.

I guess I’m just extremely irritated (and definitely jealous) at her. Firstly, shouldn’t she talk to me before you talk to him! We’ve been friends since high school, and she JUST met him a month ago! I am also really upset she told him things that were meant to be between us. And she’s doing things to him that she’s NEVER done to me. Like, make him a 3ft by 2ft Diwali card, make inside joke memes of his pictures, calls him ALL the time, everyday (this girl DOES NOT talk on the phone with anyone, it takes a lot for to even call her parents), tell him stories that I don’t even know about, etc etc. I just want to tell her to back off a little. If I was in her spot, I would NEVER allow myself to get so close to someone that things are complicated with my best friend; I would definitely keep my distance. I mean she JUST met him, and I only told her about him in August; I didn’t even mention him before. And especially when things had gotten so bad that we weren’t talking – I would not ditch my friend’s effort to contact me and talk more to the guy. And obviously, I’ve become very jealous at how close they are. He’s told me they talk a lot, but definitely not close and that he’s closer to me. But I feel it’s just a matter of time. And things are definitely a lot easier and “less complicated” to go out with her than me. So I don’t know…

My natural tendency in these situations is to remove myself. But I really don’t want to do that. I don’t want to lose him, and I don’t want to fight with my friend! I feel like the absolute tiniest person in the world for being jealous and irritated. And bringing up this topic would only create unnecessary drama, which I don’t need right now, especially after having those horrible two weeks, and with final exams a month away. I’ve told myself, there’s nothing I can do – but I JUST HAVE TO be okay with things. We’ve been through so many ups and downs in this past year, that if we can make it through this next year, we’ll make it. If we don’t, we don’t. And if in the process, he and my friend start developing feelings and decide to go out, I’ll JUST HAVE TO be okay with it. Obviously I’m not, but I’ll just have to take it day by day.

Settling In

I got back on the island Monday evening and I spent the following few days getting my things organized and settling in. For some strange reason, it feels weird to be back. It feels like I'm an outsider. I don't feel like I've already been here for a year. It may be due to the lack of students that are here already, as I came in a week early, but it's just weird. A friend of mine feels the same way as well. I wonder what it is...

Next semester?!

This post is VERY delayed. I didn't want to post anything until I knew my results for sure. And then I went out of town so I didn't get a chance to post sooner. But, long story short - I MADE IT!!! I made the grade I needed to FINALLY move onto the next semester!!!!!!!! I know I make it sound like I've achieved something awesome, but it was a difficult feat for me. I'm so excited to finally be able to move onto the next semester and start learning topics that interest me. I have about a month left of vacation before I head back, so I'm trying to utilize as much of it as possible to read a little ahead on what's coming up. I'm not trying to learn EVERYTHING, but getting acquainted with terminology and such. AHHH SO EXCITING!!!! Can't believe it actually came true!!

Thank you all for all your positive wishes and vibes. When times were in the dumps, it was staying positive that helped me get past this and I'm truly grateful. Thank you!

Almost there...

It's the second to last weekend before the final exam, so in medical school world - Panic starts. Every second, every minute, every hour is extremely precious. We had a few mishaps this weekend in regards to the internet (something you have to deal with living on an island), but it was okay. Everyone around me was freaking out, but luckily I print everything out, so I wasn't too affected. In fact, it was a pretty good weekend. There have been a few lectures that I've had a hard time synthesizing and thus, procrastinated going over. I met up with a friend this weekend and we both dissected it out together, and it was like a thousand light bulbs just went on in our heads. And we were so incredibly focused while studying. Not a minute did we get off track or look our phones or anything. It seriously felt great! I also had many review sessions with my roommate and her friends - and that went well too. They don't need to get as high of a grade on this exam, so it was more big picture, linking concepts together with them. It was good review for me so I'm glad I did it. So this allowed me to go through a lot of lectures and actively study.

Recently, I've realized that I'm just a lot more efficient in the morning, regardless of how much I've napped throughout the day or how much coffee I've inhaled. So I've been trying to go to sleep by midnight and wake up by 5:30am, being at the library by 6:30am. I haven't done it everyday, but I've been able to at least get myself up early. It's been working out really great, the day seems so much longer and I just get so much accomplished. I even went to the library one morning when it was pouring down rain and my local phone was damaged because of the water. (I feel like a deserve an award or something for being that dedicated - haha!)

In general though, if I had to take the exam tomorrow, I definitely think I can get at least an 80%. It's the extra 16 more points that I'm aiming to solidify in these last few days. I feel like so many people would be freaking out if they were in my position right now, but I'm not. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing. I'm worried and nervous for sure, but not freaked out. I know for me, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but I tend to be more efficient when I'm not stressing out. I hope this efficiency carries me through the week and into next week.

I've been meeting with my learning strategist, and when I explain concepts to her - she says I'm going to really like physiology because I tend to think like that. And she's not the only one to say that - so many of my friends have told me that. I'm actually really excited to take physiology and neuroscience - which are all classes in the second semester. I just hope hope hope I can make it there. I don't think I've ever been so excited about taking classes as I am right now. The more I study biochem, the more interesting it becomes. Obviously with a full class load, it's hard to put in so much time, but I've truly been enjoying biochem.

I wish all the very best to others entering their final exam period! Good luck to us!! 

Positive

I met with my biochemistry course director on Friday about a few questions I had while working on practice questions. It went well! She was really helpful and was very happy with my improvement in the class. While talking to her, it was evident that she had been checking up on me and knew exactly what I made on the midterm and what I need on the final. She gave me a very positive feeling for my upcoming challenges. Even though I'm trying to stay positive throughout all of this, it really helps when your course director is on your side!

This weekend I made dinner for my roommates, Stir-fry, nothing too fancy. But it was nice sitting down for dinner together!

Hope everyone is having a great week! I can't believe it's almost the weekend again!!!!!!!

and onward

So midterms came and left. I didn't do amazing on my biochem midterm, but I didn't do absolutely awful either. I got a 84. Basically, I need a 96 on the final to get an A in the class. It's tough, yes. Probably close to impossible, yes. But, it's NOT impossible and I know people (a couple friends actually) who have gotten 95+ on the final exam. I'm keeping my spirits high, trying to work very hard, and hopefully my efforts will pay off. That's all I can really do at this point - work hard and hope that luck is in my favor.

That's what's new with me! Thought I'd let everyone know!

Downward Spiral

Are you ever stressed/upset about something, and then pretty soon you go through this downward spiral with other such things that are bothering you to a point where all you want to do curl up in a little ball, eat ice cream, and cry hoping it will make it all better? (Wow, talk about a run-on sentence!) Such has happened to me tonight. It all started a few days ago when I saw my former classmates getting out of class.

[So here's my story: I started medical school internationally in January 2012. Due to my lack of science background (engineering major), I withdrew from Anatomy & Biochemistry, and completing Histology & Bioethics that semester. In Fall 2012, I went on to complete Anatomy & Biochemistry. I did well in Anatomy, but ended up failing Biochemistry by one question. Meaning, had I gotten one more question correct on the midterm or final, I would have passed, and thus allowed to proceed on. I was dismissed, but I wrote an appeal. My chances were slim, but the committee did allow me to stay and repeat Biochemistry. But they said I must get an A in Biochemistry to continue on.] So that's what I've been doing right now. Working to get an A in Biochemistry. It's unfortunate that our school only has a midterm + final that makes up the final grade in the class.

So I saw my former classmates, who are now in their 4th semester. (3rd semester is not a real semester, it's 6 weeks long. There are a total of 5 semesters in basic sciences.) And it just made me feel extremely sad and incompetent. It's been a year and I'm still in the same semester as I was a year ago. It's like staying idle for a year, and yet not accomplishing anything.

And then I see social media networks such as Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram of where couples are happily sharing their lives together. I see pictures of long-distance relationships making it work by meeting every month. I see pictures/announcements/videos of people getting engaged, married, and starting a family. I see people younger than me graduating medical school and starting that new chapter in their life. And here I am, at the same exact spot I was in a year ago, and still single.

I've actually spent most of my life single. I've had many guy friends (actually I'm quite closer to guys), but nothing turned into anything. I've only had one boyfriend, which only lasted four months. And while I try not to let it bother me, I feel like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, just waiting for the right time to move to the next stage. I also feel like all the "good guys" are taken. No offense, but it seems like guys that I admire and who aren't so immature, have already been scooped up my amazing women.

I know this is not the time to get emotional. Midterms are literally around the corner and I absolutely cannot get emotional about things I cannot do anything about at this point in time. I owe it to myself to fully concentrate on what I can do at this moment and not worry about anything else. For the first time, I'm not afraid I won't pass. I'm actually not too afraid about getting a B. It's going the extra bit, and getting an A which I'm terrified about. I've been "fighting" for medical school and to become a doctor for such a long time now, and I'm just worried that I'm not going to have any strength left in me. I know I will never forgive myself if I don't make full use of this final opportunity I have been given, so I definitely don't want to screw it up.

Here's to being optimistic and having a productive weekend.

Passed

I like how I said I'll be posting more. But, I want to make an attempt to. Not because I feel like people (my 0 followers) will be soooo disappointed if I don't update them on my life or because my life is sooo interesting I must keep everyone entertained. No, it's so I can share my thoughts with someone other than the walls in my room or shower. And also, to come back to my thoughts and learned from how I felt and how I dealt with hard times. It's very important to take some time to reflect every now and then. Or at least I think.

We had a mini-quiz, if you will, last week. This is basically is put in place so the first year students can gauge how they're doing. Since we only have one midterm and one final, there's not a lot of room for bombing either exam. Anyways, on the mini-quiz, I made a 20/25. Which isn't amazing, but it's not horrible either. Last year I made a 14/25, so it's definitely improvement. I also found the results of my appeal after an entire week of classes had passed, so I had one less week than the others. In general the quiz was more difficult than last semester. The average was 16/25 compared to the 19/25 from last semester. I walked out not really feeling disappointed but upset because I did everything possible to study. I did the objectives, I did the department questions, I did the only questions from both textbooks, and I did the BRS questions. So yeah, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't do better (I walked in thinking I was going to get at least a 22), but it's not the end of the world...yet.

Midterms are in 3 weeks from today, but luckily all lecture material for biochem will end in 2 weeks. I made a schedule for the next couple of weeks, reviewing all lectures/practice questions at least twice (more than that for some topics that don't seem to stick as easily). I want to utilize the very last week for absolutely any questions/confusions I have. These next two weeks are going to be rough. I hope, just really hope it all works out.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day!

What's up, it's 2013

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened. Many ups and downs, but such is life and I chose to move onwards and upwards.

Finals came and went. I did extremely well on the Anatomy final, got 93 on the final - wooop! I got very sick between Anatomy & Biochem finals so decided to "call in sick" and take the completion exam for biochem. Shouldn't have done that. Too much time elapsed plus my sickness and I failed the final and the class, by one measly point. No kidding. A big, FAT 69. As per school's policy, if you fail a class they dismiss you. I wrote an appeal and thankfully they accepted. I have to repeat the class, but whatever. I've made my peace with it.

I've come to realization that I'll be 26 this year, and still single. My parents like to remind me as well. They're getting really concerned how old I'm getting and they try setting me up with these random guys. Um, thanks for the reminder parents - believe it or not, I also don't want to end up alone. Indian parents.

This semester is going to be interesting. I have to do extremely well in this class and stop slacking off. I think I slack off like an average med student, but my retention is less than average. Plus, I don't have any science background. Which means = NO MORE SLACKING OFF. (And thus, I should wrap up this post fairly quickly.)

Just thought I'd give an update post. I will be posting more on this blog.